Recipe #2: Nuclear Jambalaya

Hans Brix? Oh No!

If I made this jambalaya any hotter, Hans Blix would start nipping at my ankles and I'd need a concrete and steel containment shield for my kitchen.

To get there:

1 lb. chicken breast
1 lb. shrimp
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 onion, 1 tomato, 1 bell pepper, 1 clove garlic (all diced)
3 cups rice
5 cups water
3 tbsp. paprika
2 tbsp. Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning
2 tbsp. Dale's

Rex's shrimp and crawfish boil and ground cayenne pepper to taste. Here you have 3 options depending on how badly you want to scorch your palate:

Alpha: 1 tbsp. cayenne, 2 tbsp. Rex's.

Beta: 3 tbsp. cayenne, 6 tbsp. Rex's.

Gamma: Empty your cayenne jar, add 1/4 cup Rex's, and wait for the IAEA to turn up and demand inspections. Tell them to pack sand. The UN will be angry with you, and they will write a letter expressing their anger.

Directions:

Sautee the onion and garlic in your pan. add the chicken, shrimp, pepper, tomato, and spices. Simmer for 10-15 minutes. Add rice and water, return to boil, and add some more Rex's if you're feeling ballsy. If the fumes from the simmering critical mass in your pan make eyes tear up across the room, you have it right. Reduce heat to low and allow to simmer for 20 minutes. Serves four generously, eight as a side.

Good luck, and don't come crying to me if you fry your esophagus. In addition, you might find yourself suddenly popular with Iranians and North Koreans.

Rubber-stamp politics

This is what happens when the dime-store solons we retarded voters keep sending to office vote on legislation without bothering to read the bills they approve sight unseen. Remember the fiasco that the stimulus vote in February turned into? Pelosi and Reid trying to force the bills to cloture without permitting anyone in the house or senate time to read them before sending us deeper into debt? The same thing is at play here.

Bobby Jindal, rightly suspicious of the strings attached to 98 million in stimulus money allotted to Louisiana unemployment programs, rejected the funds to forestall a state tax increase to pick up the program's fiscal slack when the federal money inevitably runs out.

A democratic legislator snuck a small rider into a bill dealing with workers' compensation yesterday which effectively overrode Jindal's refusal.

Here's the money quote from the article:

The House adopted the amendment without questions and then quickly approved the bill, sending it to the Senate for debate with a 99-0 vote. During the final vote, House Speaker Jim Tucker, R-Terrytown, was heard asking an aide, "What does the amendment do?" The aide responded that she didn't know.

These fucking idiots didn't even read the amendment, much less the bill, before shipping it off to the state Senate. They all need to be recalled and horsewhipped, Democrat and Republican alike.

More Islamic Buggery

Imam at Tampa Mosque Charged With Sexual Battery of 13-Year-Old Boy

Maybe he was recruiting a new homicide bomber. 

Sundance channel sure knows how to pick 'em

I question the timing

Two years ago today maladjusted little shit and all-around loser Cho Seung-Hui killed 32 people at Virginia Tech. It was the worst mass killing by one shooter in U.S. History.

What does this have to do with the Sundance Channel and their indie-film programming? In the wee hours this morning, Sundance was running Oldboy, a film Cho supposedly enjoyed and imitated. One of the pictures in the bizarre manifesto Cho sent to NBC was his pose in apparent imitation of one of the film's posters.

Good timing, geniuses.

Out of morbid curiosity I watched the film. What a twisted crapfest. If Cho liked that movie enough to identify with it, he really was fucked in the head.

Burn in hell, Cho.

Home invader shot in Vermont

Dispatcher: WTF?



Meet Jerry Lee Jones, Jr. He's achieved room temperature since breaking into a Vermont home and being shot by the homeowner. Apparently Jones was extremely drunk and had been booted out of a friend's car after trying to pick a fight with him. He attempted to break into the Hoover home by tossing a wrought-iron chair through a window.

Mr. Hoover's wife was on the phone with the 911 dispatcher when the shots were fired; the recording is at the link. After listening to it, I have a bone to pick with the Botetourt County 911 dispatchers.

After the shots were fired, Mrs. Hoover told the dispatcher that Jones had been shot but was still moving. The dispatcher told her to have her husband put his gun down. Uhh, WRONG.

If you're the subject of a home invasion and shoot an intruder, do not put your weapon down until the police arrive. Especially if the per's still moving. A wounded intruder can still be a threat, and he may have accomplices either outside or undetected in the house. Don't assume that you have the all-clear. Do not fuck around with your family's safety.

Cooking for the single guy

When ramen's lost its fun

IPD (Improvised Poultry Device:)

When you want a semi-decent chicken dinner for one and don't want to waste hours in the chicken, you can run this up in about 5 minutes, bung it into the oven and go back to watching the race/game/scrambled porn:

Bring it!

1 9X9 casserole dish
1 cornish Hen
8 slices of wheat bread
2 eggs
1 half-onion, chopped
1 stalk celery, chopped
2 TBSP butter
1 TBSP Lawry's seasoned salt
Spices to taste or availability (I used a generous pinch of sage)

Wash your hands first unless you like the runs. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Place the bread slices in a blender and chop to fine crumbs. Pour the crumbs into the casserole dish, and follow them up with the chopped onions and celery. Add your spices and then fold the two eggs into the mix. Get your hands in there and make sure the mix is evenly wetted. Wash again.

Rinse off the hen and then salt it generously inside and out. Place it in the center of the dish after clearing a hole in the stuffing mix. Pour the melted butter over the hen and rub in to ensure it's distributed evenly.

Then, cover the whole mess in foil and chuck it in the oven. Allow to cook for 90 minutes. When it comes out, you have two good meals ahead of you unless you're a fat bastard. If you are, this'll barely qualify as an appetizer.

Voilá!: Improvised Poultry Device. Serve with beer and veggie of your choice.

So this is how they do it:

Sadly, this methodology makes more sense than anything to come out of Treasury in the past few years:

Enviro-nuts get it wrong. Again.

Unwilling to research

California to reduce carbon emissions by... banning black cars?!

This is beyond idiotic. These legislators obviously did not bother to research automitive climate controls before going off half-cocked and riding the wave of environmentalist sentiment.

The flawed premise here is that the climate controls on darker-colored cars have to work harder to keep them cool than those in lighter-colored cars. The only difference between a car painted black and a car painted white is the paint itself. Sure, the darker car will absorb more heat. Problem is, both cars have identical air conditioning systems that work the same way, put the same load on their engines, and have the same effect on power output and fuel economy. A dark car will take more time to cool, but its air conditioner will function at the same rate as that in a lighter car.

Allow me to explain: With a car's air conditioner on, a compressor circulates refrigerant through the system. In the passenger compartment there is a condenser, where high-pressure liquefied refrigerant is expanded to a gas. This expansion dissipates heat, causing rapid cooling in the evaporator. Air is blown through the condenser box, and water vapor condenses on the evaporator coils. this air is sent through a valve that mixes air from the evaporator box with ambient air or air from a separate heater core (the temperature control on your dash controls the setting of this valve. Regardless of your temp setting, the evaporator functions at its maximum capacity as long as the air conditioner is on and the compressor is loading the engine.

The upshot of this is that if you think that reducing your temp setting but still receiving some cooling benefit will save you gas, you are mistaken. The only way to improve fuel economy is not to run your air conditioner at all-- try that in a traffic jam in July!

Yet you still hear radio ads and see TV spots advising you to "turn down" your air conditioner to save fuel. These dumbasses never bothered to check their premises before going on the air and wasting money on uninformed advertising.

Don't suffer needlessly- If you need air conditioning, set it for your own comfort. A thermostat set to 65 degrees in a car will put just as much of a load on an engine as an AC set to 80 degrees.

It's even more important not to suffer the idiocy of an uninformed, petulant nanny-state. If you live in California, call your representatives and lean on them to shoot down this travesty of a bill.

Oratory the right way

Look Ma! No Teleprompter!

Dan Hannan, MEP, Speaking to the EU Parliament. Watch! This requires no further explaining or amplification on my part.

Another day, another Mouch directive

Life imitating stupid

The Mouch Obama administration isn't content to cap the pay of companies accepting TARP funds, it seems to think it's entitled to shackle the entire private sector with regulations.

This is more political opportunism, riding the wave of the hypocritical effort they've undertaken to whip up populist outrage after AIG decided to stick to a bonus plan they stuck to with full government knowledge and consent.

Do these fucking toolbags expect money to magically appear in their coffers by fiat?

Bureaucrats seem to have long forgotten that money is made and earned, not miracled into being by directive. It's made by people who work and produce with some reasonable expectation of retaining the product of their labor. If you saddle them with regulations and salary caps, their incentive to produce goes down the tubes. They don't make any more money, and Uncle Sam's little redistribution schemes fail.

Keep on prolonging the suffering, assholes. I'm looking forward to voting your asses out of office.

Namaste, Bitches.

"What now, bitches?"

If you're a calculus geek, this is worth a chuckle:

Which gaffe is bigger?

Saying Geithner's doing an "outstanding job," or likening his bowling game to a Special Olympics performance?

Discuss.

Congressional demagoguery rings hollow

CYA

Ok, the economy tanks because of an unsustainable credit and real estate bubble pushed along with the full knowledge and cooperation of Congress. Said Congress votes to subsidize the breathtakingly poor decisions made my many powerful banks and investment firms.

Shocker of shockers, to prevent a massive exodus of brainpower and talent out of AIG, American International Group offered hefty retention bonuses to several of its exectives, with the full knowledge of the Secretary of the Treasury, renowned tax cheat Tim Geithner.

The American public catches wind of the rotten mess and is righteously outraged.

Congress, in the most blatant example of cover-ass I've seen this side of an aircraft carrier the morning after a port call in Bangkok, begins howling for the executions or honor-suicides of the AIG execs who were slated to receive retention bonuses.

In an even more breathtaking act of hypocrisy, they voted on Charles Rangel's HR 1686, a bill to tax the bonuses at 90%, passing it 328-93. The whole affair reeks of an unconstitutional ex post facto law, a violation of Article I, Section 9 specifically. On the other hand, it's been a long time since our Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches gave a shit about the Constitution their oath of office charges them with upholding.

This act of utter hypocrisy was passed by the same House that in October voted 263-171 to give these blundering firms 1.3 trillion dollars in citizens' expropriated money. Pardon me for not being as pissed off at the executives at AIG as I am at the Parliament of Whores on Capitol hill.

More backfires

No sport in it anymore

The economy is blowing itself to hell as fast as everyone can arrange it. The government agencies that are supposed to be ameliorating the problems are blaming each other, politicians are making death threats against corporate bonus recipients using money THEY voted to give them, and the "most brilliant administration ever" is showing itself to be functionally retarded.

Now is a perfect chance for Barack Obama to man up, grow a pair of balls, take the helm of his administration, and fix the unforced errors that come out of 1600 Pennsylvania every day.

Instead he is on Leno tonight. He's wasting time on empty publicity, filling out his NCAA bracket picks while his Treasury Department is still unstaffed save Geithner.

Mr. No Talent Ass Clown even dicked up his Leno appearance tonight, insulting the handicapped:

Towards the end of his approximately 40-minute appearance, the president talked about how he's gotten better at bowling and has been practicing in the White House bowling alley.

He bowled a 129, the president said.

"That's very good, Mr. President," Leno said sarcastically.

It's "like the Special Olympics or something," the president said.

When asked about the remark, the White House had no comment.

I'm getting tired of finding reasons to kick this guy around. It's a fucking disgrace! He's pointing the ship of state at the rocks and has no bloody clue what the line of breakers ahead means. No wonder the rest of the world perceives us as weak now when this is the sort of clown we elevate to elected office!

AFTERTHOUGHT: Any bets on whether the bowling questions get edited out of the Tonight Show at airtime?

Afterthought the Second: Spotted at Perfunction: "Obama Throws Self Under the Short Bus."

Obama Backpedals. Again.

Full speed astern!

I'm pretty underwhelmed by what was touted as this guy's "breathtaking political genius" during the campaign. So far it seems all he's accomplished has been to ride the wave of a Stalinist cult of personality to the top, aided and abetted by suckers who bought his message of Hope and Change.

At issue this week was his abhorrent proposal to compel disabled veterans currently cared for by the VA to seek private health care. He wanted them to bear the costs for their own care, for wounds and injuries received during the course of voluntary military service. After being roundly castigated by right and left, he finally backpedaled after three days.

Is Obama doing lines of blow on the desk in the Oval Office? are Emmanuel and Pelosi slipping him roofies at these weekly White House parties we keep hearing about? What the fuck is wrong with this guy? He's alienating foreign leaders whose support and goodwill we must count on, proposing a series of policies that reek of social engineering and will choke any economic recovery the instant it will start, and elevating hordes of tax cheats to cabinet positions.

He's either a blithering idiot or actively and maliciously trying to dismantle institutions that ensure our citizens' freedoms. Personally I subscribe to blithering idiocy, since the guy can't string together extemporaneous sentences on his own. He has the power cord to his TelePrompter wrapped around his neck and his handlers seem to be treating him like a mushroom: Keeping him in the dark and shoveling him bullshit.